When it comes to letting go of toxic family members,Christians struggle with this decision. Many shared that they feel it is not Christ-likeand wondered how they might be perceived if they make such a bold statement. Sometimes this struggle is linked to what they think God will view them if they decide to let go.
When is a family member toxic?
As Christians, we don’t get to just drop family members out of our lives because they talk nonstop, have different political views, have poor hygiene, or leave the cap off the toothpaste. A person is toxic when she is threatening your family unity or emotional well-being and there is little to no sign of that changing or improving.
How should a Christian deal with toxic people?
However, if the individual in question is a family member or someone in your close social circle whom you love, then the following guidelines** may be helpful to Christians. Refuse to see the individual as toxic. Choose to see the person or behavior as confusing at worst.
What does the Bible say about toxic relationships?
The word toxic means “poisonous.” Toxic relationships are those that poison our peace and our ability to enjoy another person. A toxic relationship will leave one exhausted, frustrated, and, in some cases, depressed.
What is a toxic or abusive relationship?
Thus, toxic or abusive relationships are formed, and we occasionally wind up entangled within those terrible, unhealthy webs and cycles of behavior. What defines a toxic or abusive relationship? Abuse is defined as the act of mistreating or misusing just about anything, such as drugs, technology, trust, possessions—or people.
What to do when change doesn’t come?
Acknowledge their efforts. 3. If change doesn’t come, you do not have to accept or settle for toxic behavior. Once you have communicated your bottom line, encouraged and loved the person through their efforts, and prayed for the person to see the light, you have done what Jesus has asked you to do.
Can you spend time with a toxic person?
At this point, you can make the decision that you feel is best for your family, and you can choose to spend less time or no time with the toxic person.
Who is Rebecca DeURLein?
REBECCA DEURLEIN IS A FREELANCE WRITER AND THE AUTHOR OF TEENAGERS 101: WHAT A TOP TEACHER WISHES YOU KNEW ABOUT HELPING YOUR KID SUCCEED (HARPER COLLINS). REBECCA WRITES FOR LOCAL AND NATIONAL MAGAZINES AND NEWSPAPERS AND LOVES EVERY MINUTE OF LIVING IN SUGAR LAND, TX. FIND HER ON AMAZON, BARNES & NOBLE, HUFFINGTON POST, OR THROUGH HER OWN BLOG A TEACHER’S GUIDE TO UNDERSTANDING TEENAGERS.
Is it counterintuitive to act in a way that might not seem natural but is right?
In the moment, however, it may seem counterintuitive. If you’re a logical person, what you are required to do may not make rational sense.
Is free speech free?
Free Speech is Free, but the cost to publish Free Speech is not. The assault on honest, Christian Journalism and Media has taken a devastating toll during this past year. Many Christian media outlets have not survived.
What is Patheos about?
Patheos Explore the world’s faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world. Christians often struggle in relationships for the right and godly thing to do. Sometimes, we fall into the worldly narrative that we need to cut off “toxic people” …
How to protect yourself from future hurt?
While working to better understand and connect with this confusing person, set temporary boundaries to protect yourself from future hurt. One example is to choose to have someone else present when interacting with this individual (to keep your behaviors accountable, keep open communication, and give you a sense of security that deters any overreacting tendencies on your part). Another choice might be to temporarily limit communication to written ones, which give you more time to be thoughtful.
How to deal with anger and stress?
Most likely, underneath the anger and stress is hurt and fear, possibly even grief from past rejection or loss. Listen to and accept your feelings. Respond to them rather than suppress or reject them. Identify the thoughts these behaviors are invoking in you.
How to stop judging someone negatively?
Refrain from thoughts of judging the individual negatively, blaming him for your suffering , attempting to change her, getting him to “pay” for his behaviors (see Romans 12:19 ).
Is it toxic to be confused?
Understand that not everyone reacts to a certain situation with the same emotions. The confusing person may seem toxic to you, but a wonderful, loving, completely relatable person under other circumstances.
Why do we go along with family norms?
Blindly going along with family norms because it gives an image of togetherness will not be beneficial. Accepting that your family is the way they are might be the first step in helping to free you to do the work of healing that is necessary.
Why is it important to separate yourself from your family?
It is essential to allow yourself to sit with those feelings and find a safe place to work through them. Blindly going along with family norms because it gives an image of togetherness will not be beneficial.
Why doesn’t forgiveness heal you?
Here is why forgiving him won’t heal you. Forgiving is not a means to heal. You have to do the work of processing the hurt. You will always have to find an outlet for the anger, pain, fear, and sense of shame, low self-worth and all the other emotional challenges that accompany trauma.
What does the Bible say about forgiveness?
If like many, you are only familiar with the model of forgiveness that ignores the wrongs and treats pardoning as the only means to help the offender , and then this might be difficult for you. But, the Bible has clear conditions for the offender. According to Matthew 7:16 ‘By their fruit, you will recognize them.
Why do people suffer in silence?
Culture sometimes represents the number one reason people suffer in silence. For example, the attitudes present in some families that fosters silence around abuse. For some, the subject is taboo, whether it is sexual or physical abuse.
Can God raise up children for Abraham?
For I tell you that out of these stones, God can raise up children for Abraham’. If the current fruits tell you that they are not at the stage yet where they are safe to be around, then believe what you see. Hiding from the truth will not help you to heal.
Can an offender be rehabilitated?
Sometimes they need the necessary period of incarceration that will help to rehabilitate them . It is also worth considering that the offender might never be safe again to be around you or anyone until they can face the problem and make concerted efforts towards change.
How to tell someone they are sinning against God?
Speak the truth in love to them. Tell them that they are sinning against God and you when they are being abusive in their language or their actions. It is not only for their good that they have someone stand up to them, it is for your good as well. Toxic people prey on weak-willed people.
Why did Jesus come to earth?
He came to this earth with a purpose, to redeem a sinfully lost world. Jesus looked at people, not as a personal irritant, but as sheep without a shepherd. He looked at them and loved them. He looked at them and recognized that without Him, they would be eternally lost in Hell. In a word, Jesus looked upon them in LOVE.
What does Gary Thomas say about toxic people?
Gary Thomas says, “Learning how to deal with toxic people isn’t first and foremost about protecting our joy, our peace, our reputation, or even our sanity (though these are good aims) It’s primarily about protecting our mission.”. The truth is, all Christians have a God-given mission as we see in 2 Corinthians 5:20:
Why did Jesus leave the Pharisees?
In Matt 16:4 it states that Jesus left the pharisees and sadducees because “an evil and adulterous generation seeks for a sign”. Christ was able to recognize those who were trying to trap him out of malicious intent and his response was to leave. Even in Jesus’ ministry we see there are legitimate times to walk away.
Why did Jesus have compassion on the crowd?
It is interesting that previously in verse 15:32 he had compassion on the crowd because they had been with him for three days with nothing to eat. Jesus said, “I am unwilling to send them away hungry, lest they faint on the way.”.
How do you know if you are toxic?
While there is no single, exhaustive definition of a toxic person, here are common signs of a toxic person: Being ruled by selfishness and spite. They are usually draining instead of encouraging. They use people instead of loving them. They are often seemingly addicted to self righteousness and rash judgments.
What does an ambassador to a foreign country need to know?
Just as an ambassador to a foreign country must know the mission of the sending country, he must also know the audience of the country to where he goes.
Why are people pleasers the most frequent victims of toxic relationships?
People-pleasers are the most frequent victims of toxic relationships because they want the toxic person to like them. But there are times when closing the door on a relationship is the wisest thing you can do ( Proverbs 22:24–25 ).
What does humility mean in a toxic relationship?
Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. ”. Toxic people may pretend they are doing something for someone else, but there is always an ulterior motive that will benefit them. 2. There is continual drama in toxic relationships.
What does Psalm 1 say about toxic people?
Toxic people fit into that category. They are not content to destroy their own lives; they must take others with them. It helps to remember that you cannot change a toxic person, especially from within a toxic relationship. You cannot help toxic people unless they want to be helped.
What does toxic mean in a relationship?
Answer. The word toxic means “poisonous.”. Toxic relationships are those that poison our peace and our ability to enjoy another person . A toxic relationship will leave one exhausted, frustrated, and, in some cases, depressed. Toxic relationships can affect business partnerships, sports teams, and, of course, families.
Why shouldn’t toxic people be held responsible?
Everything happens to toxic people, and the world should take notice. They shouldn’t be held responsible, they think, because it wasn’t their fault —even though it was. Self-pity practically drips from them, even though they may mask it with a facade of strength.
What to say if you are not married?
If you are not married, then it’s time to say goodbye. In every situation involving a toxic relationship, take the matter to God in prayer. Cry out to “receive mercy and find grace” to help in the time of need ( Hebrews 4:16 ). “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you” ( 1 Peter 5:7 ).
What happens when a person is toxic?
But when a person is toxic, he or she is unable to maintain a healthy relationship with anyone. Only those willing to suffer the selfish demands of the toxic person can endure such a relationship for long. 1. The relationship is completely one-sided in favor of the toxic person.
What would a toxic parent do to their children?
In an ideal world, toxic parents would realize the harm they had done to their children and feel sorry for it. They would apologize and try to make amends. Expressions of regret often do not happen, however. Parents may be in denial that they have harmed their children, and will not listen to anything that challenges their perception of themselves as good parents.
How to protect yourself from toxic parents?
One way to protect ourselves from toxic relationships with our parents or caregivers is to set boundaries in our relationships. Parents do not have the right to put us down, control, and manipulate us, or use us to meet their emotional needs. We can set limits on a needy parent who continually calls during the day by limiting the number of phone calls, for example. We can tell parents that we will not be around them if they are drunk or high. We can demand that topics such as our personal lives are off-limits.
Why do toxic parents identify themselves as ugly?
Adult children of toxic parents may identify themselves as ugly, stupid, naïve, lazy weak, and bad because those definitions are the negative messages they heard growing up. For a long time, my parents, in part, defined who I was. I was a lesser human being who was dumb and could not do anything right.
Why is it not possible to have a relationship with my parents?
For some of us, trying to have a relationship is not possible because our parents are too toxic. There is always hope, however, that things can change and we can reap the benefits that come from having our parents in our lives in a healthy way.
Why do parents control their children?
Some parents are mean, judgmental, or controlling for reasons we do not understand. There are other more obvious reasons why parents do what they do, such as substance abuse or mental health issues. They may have emotional problems like anger that taint their judgment and make them lose self-control.
Why does God want us to prosper?
God wants above all for us to prosper and be in good mental and physical health (3 John 1:2) because He loves us. Our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit that should honor God (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). We need to allow ourselves to take measures to protect us from harmful parental behavior.
Is it hard to deal with toxic parents?
Excellent article! It’s very hard dealing with toxic parents. Because as a daughter you want to love and honor your parents but sometimes that’s imposible because the way they are. I will keep praying for them and pray to god to heal my heart.
What does it mean when you are emotionally jerked around?
You know you are being emotionally jerked around and that they seem to enjoy doing this. * It causes enough stress that it effects important aspects/areas of your life, like work or home life and possibly your marriage to your spouse. You are loosing sleep over it on a nightly basis. * The relationship is one-sided.
How do scapegoats affect their health?
Scapegoats eventually come to the point that trying to get along with, pacify, and engage their families is affecting their peace, their health and their very souls. After years and years of trying to reason with these people, and expecting them to behave decently the time comes when you know in your heart that you "can’t do this anymore" in fact, you cannot even be around your family without experiencing extreme stress and even physical symptoms or actual sickness. This is because they are toxic to you and actually causing you to become ill. This is when you begin to realize that going "no contact" is the only thing you can do to stop their insanity and bring peace to your soul.
What is the key ingredient in a healthy family?
In healthy families the love is consistently and unconditionally there. The key ingredients are unconditional love and an ability to agree to disagree at times, which is otherwise known as respect without having to change or control each other. These families support and help each other when one of them is having a hard time. They do not attack, and slander, and try to destroy the hurting family member.
What is it called when you cut your family out?
It is also called going "No Contact.". This is not a decision entered into lightly and usually does not happen until someone has endured years and years of abuse from their very own family …
Was Jesus the target of wicked people?
Jesus Himself was the target of wicked people and when accused He did not defend Himself, or get into arguments trying to prove who He was or what he stood for. He said what He had to say once, and then he moved on to more accepting people. We are to do the same.
What defines a toxic or abusive relationship?
When people are involved, the fallout can be radioactively toxic, such as damaged relationships, destruction of self-esteem, and painful emotional trauma that gets carried through the years. Toxic or abusive people tend to lash out in anger when things don’t go how they want them to , and the innocent bystanders in their way suffer for it.
What does it mean to distancing yourself from a toxic relationship?
In distancing yourself from the toxic relationship / person, you create space for empathy and forgiveness. When you forgive someone, you are not only offering them the gift of forgiveness, you are setting yourself free from holding onto a grudge.
How to ask God for forgiveness?
Seek forgiveness from God. Be honest with yourself and make no excuses. 1 John 1:8-9 says, "If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.". When you ask God to forgive you, He promises …
How to heal from toxic relationships?
Give yourself the grace of time to heal—physically, emotionally, spiritually. Ask God to help you see them through His eyes so your future responses will be out of godly love rather than hate or fear. Toxic relationships and situations can cause a lot of damage to our mental, spiritual, and physical health.
What happens when you are involved in radioactive fallout?
When people are involved, the fallout can be radioactively toxic, such as damaged relationships, destruction of self-esteem, and painful emotional trauma that gets carried through the years. Toxic or abusive people tend to lash out in anger when things don’t go how they want them to, and the innocent bystanders in their way suffer for it.
What does it mean when you ask God to forgive you?
When you ask God to forgive you, He promises to do so and give you a fresh start—no matter what has happened. Seek help through pastoral or biblical counseling or through a small group of believers where loving relationships are fostered, where you can "bear one another’s burdens" ( Galatians 6:1-10 ).
How to forgive someone who betrayed you?
The ability to truly forgive won’t be immediate, especially when it’s someone who has betrayed you in some way; forgiving those who have hurt us (or are currently hurting us) is never an easy process. But the distance can help your pain, hurt, anger, and frustrations calm down, allowing compassion and mercy to take their place. Give yourself the grace of time to heal—physically, emotionally, spiritually. Ask God to help you see them through His eyes so your future responses will be out of godly love rather than hate or fear.
What do critical thinkers focus on?
Critical thinkers recognize the evil and ugly, but always choose to focus on something redeeming. They always operate out of hope, and they are always in the trenches trying to make things better. To put it another way, cynics focus on what something is. Critical thinkers focus on what something could be.
What is the difference between critical thinking and cynicism?
There is a difference between cynicism and critical thinking. Here it is. Cynics look at the worst in every situation, never desiring to make things better. Critical thinkers recognize the evil and ugly, but always choose to focus on something redeeming. They always operate out of hope, and they are always in the trenches trying to make things better.
Why are back row Christians toxic?
“Back row” Christians are toxic because they wear the tag “Christian,” but their lives aren’t informed by God. And because the church is a body, these Christians force the church to carry their weight.
Why do Christians follow the rules?
“Follow the rules” Christians believe their actions make them cool with God. They condemn other Christians for their lack of morality. And secretly they are okay with Christians falling on their face because it makes “follow the rules” Christians feel better about themselves.
What does the world need to see?
What the world needs to see is your weakness, not your perfection. It is in your weakness God will show the world his perfection. It is in our weakness God shows the world his perfection. 5.) THE “POLITICAL” CHRISTIAN. Every church has a few of these toxic Christians.
What does "God doesn’t work that way" mean?
Cut and dry. In or out. Up or down. Black or white. All of these describe “God doesn’t work that way” Christians. Their view of God is limited to their perspective, their experiences, and their understanding of the Bible. These Christians claim to have faith in God, but they won’t believe anything they haven’t seen with their own eyes.
Is cynicism toxic?
Cynicism is toxic. From a general lack of trust towards people to the inability to see good in anything, cynicism has the power to infect every arena of life. Many Christians, starting with me, master the art of pointing out the bad from a young age.